You deserve the affection that you kept trying to pour into others. You deserve the same motivation that you tried to inspire in others. You deserve the high of happy, without the low of sadness. You deserve the joy of being spoiled, without the catch of having to repay. You deserve the relaxation of trust, without the paranoia of betrayal. You deserve to be confident, without the reminder to be humble. You deserve to look at your reflection with eyes of awe, not judgment. You deserve to be held forever, not for a night. You deserve to be first, second, and third. You deserve to have everything you want. You deserve this power. It is who you are and who you will always be. BE YOU FOR THE SAKE OF YOURSELF. VIBE WITH YOUR TRIBE.
(This video got nothing to do with the post above. 20 rules for young men, i guess it’s a must watch for everyone irrespective of gender.)
Story goes back to my highschool days. I used to suck at history & geography. But my grades with maths, physics, chemistry & language papers were amazing. I was a 85-90% scoring student. I was a good chess player, i have played state level game 9 times to be exact. Most of my school friends were dead serious about football, that game never excited me. I was not crazy about sports in school, but i was fond of playing basketball or volleyball with my street pals. Because such weird interests, i made some friends outside my school. Most of them were my seniors, nobody cared because of my height & build. I think i look like a beefcake since forever. On top of that I hit puberty little earlier. In my class, i was the only 13 year old with some moustache & beard.
It was summer vacation after my grade-8. Few of my new streetsmart friends suggested to watch “THE MATRIX RELOADED”, of course it’s an amazing movie, but watching the same thing 4 times in 2 weeks smelled like a dumb idea. So we went to a DVD movie rental store to browse any other movie we can watch. Suddenly it started raining. One of my wise friends wanted to rent a X-rated movie. Let me clear, it wasn’t a porno. I agree some scenes were bit too much for our teenage eager brain. One of my friend’s neighbour girl knocked my door that evening and told me that she saw me renting/watching that movie. My “good student” image was really important to me & being an extrovert asshole i was, i cracked a deal within 20-30 minutes. Deal was; she will not say anything about that movie to anyone & we need condoms before locking doors. I lost my cherry that evening. She was 4 years elder to me & she started acting way too much romantic within a week, which was hella confusing. I had to cut everything bluntly because i wanted to focus on my studies, my friends, my chess, my piano lessons, my playstation, my basketball power forward position, my swimming classes & my 16 miles ride to a nearby river.
I am in my late 20s building strong morals & a big bank account, so that i can buy all happiness i desire for myself & my family. My approach to life in general is; “REMAIN TRUTHFUL & CONSISTENT, YOU WILL SEE EVERY POSSIBLE SUCCESS COMING YOUR WAY”. That’s all i wanna see in my people. That day & today; whenever i say i like someone, my friends think i am talking about some latina’s fine ass. Never understood how to be romantic. Basically i never wanted someone so bad that i can imagine being in a relationship. I was into someone recently, let’s not name it a relationship. I came in touch with someone who walked the same journey as mine & she is living in my city since 2012, but i got to know her after 6-7 years. It’s amazing to see people who believe in same basic human values as yours. The sad part is; people & their predictable behaviour. Especially their inconsistency, that’s my biggest turn off moment. I have made some rules to lead a simple happy happening life & one rule says; Every liar is inconsistent & every inconsistent person is a liar. Whenever someone acts inconsistent, just cut that equation no matter it’s a friendship, relationship, fling or fuck-buddy. Once a person goes inconsistent, their next step is lying. That’s how every inconsistent person tries to justify their inconsistency.
Moral of the story is; Never offer half baked emotions/attention/affection, first you have to be sure about yourself whether you are ready!! I am a strong believer of KARMA. I believe if i can do something wrong with someone, some other person can do the same thing with me.
Never expect affection or approval from a narcissist. They always focus on your faults. Narcissist boost their own self-worth by demanding special treatment garnering obedient followers and establishing the highest expectations from others and they enjoy inflating their egos by making other people feel bad about themselves. That’s why they focus on what you do wrong in life.
A narcissist will keep a laundry list of your mistakes faults to use when it’s convenient for them at the same time. They’ll overlook your successes and anything that you do right? Keep that in mind. In the next time you’re trying to gain approval or affection from a narcissist, no matter how hard you try nothing will ever guarantee their support.
My equation with my people always remains one on one. I appreciate that exchange of attention & affection exact same way. And I love optimistic/enthusiastic people who believe in learning new skills & material growth associated to it. Basically those who don’t spend/waste 3-hours in window shopping or arranging closet. Time is more precious than money, and my 1-hour costs little higher compared to random crowd. If i feel like my time is being wasted, i simply snap out with a thought “I would rather invest that time somewhere else which can yield some mojo or mula”. Now talking about the bad part, there are two reasons i never talk about someone to somebody else under any good or bad circumstances:
1. Backbiting is something i can never ever understand. If i have anything against you in my head or heart, either i have told you bluntly or you are already in my block list. 2. If you have done anything to earn my hate or somehow you lost your respect in my eyes, i consider you dead. And nobody actually likes talking about dead morons.